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Seancho · Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 10:59 am Post subject: Toof-n-Nail

Newsletter #1

Greetings! Nibs Ironskillet Halfling reporter here, bringing you the latest in the Blood bowl.

NEWS!

Today was the finals for School of Scraps & Bruises Medical Cup. These young Healers of all kinds had their hands full the last few days. In the end there could have been only one winner though. Giving it their all, teams fought without regard to their own safety. The Allegheny Frogs making their first appearance, The Brainiac Ogres proving ogres can score just as well as anyone else, The “Blank” Unholy killing with unabated joy, the Knights of Morr trying their damndest to die & Cobra Command shedding death and skin.

After the dust had cleared, it was the “Blank” Unholy taking the glory of victory. The plucky Knights gave it their all, but Chaos be damned, they just couldn’t pull off an upset.

Standings
1.Mark – The “Blank” Unholy 4-0
2.Mike – The Brainiac’s 3- 1
3.Sean – The Knights of Morr 2-2 *corrected*
4.Stuart – Cobra Command 1-3
5.Mathieu – The Allegheny Frog’s 0-4

MORE NEWS, from the Commissioner

With the end of the Medical Cup, this marks the end of our pre-season. Please make note of this on your rosters. The will be no matches January 26th. Take some time off, relax, and plot revenge. League games will begin February 2nd. From that point on, games matter, as always, you’re allowed up to 4 matches per Saturday, no more than 2 matches in a row with the same opponent. Wins are worth 3, Ties are 2 (which there never should be any), and Losses are 1.

If you have any questions just ask. However, as stress has been plaguing me, I will be putting a firmer stance on telling people to shut up and just play. I won’t be listening to complaints about this or that. You don’t like a skill, too bad; you feel that team is too rough, darn. It’s not fair to me as I run this league every year dedicatedly, so do ME the favor and think before you gripe about something.

Thank you everyone who puts forward the effort of a good challenge and decent sportsmanship.
Let’s keep this league running and growing.

May Nuffle always bless your spiked balls.
Sean
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Seancho · Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 6:48 pm Post subject:

Newsletter #2

Salutations Fanatics! Nibs Ironskillet reporting live from the pitch. So let’s get to the nitty gritty.

Today was the kick off for the Phantom cup league. Teams from all over showed up to prove their metal. So let’s take a look after one weeks set of matches.

Scores
The Knights of Morr 2 – 1 Da Noggin Smashers
Cobra Command 3 – 2 Da Kanguttz
Koffin Kings 1 – 0 The Brainiac’s
The Unholy 2 – 1 Da Noggin Smashers
Da Kanguttz 2 – 1 Koffin Kings
Koffin Kings 2 – 1 Bearded Buccaneer’s
The Unholy 2 – 0 Da Kanguttz
Bearded Buccaneer’s 1 – 0 Da Noggin Smashers

Highlights

Matches were fast and painful for most teams so let’s keep that pace up

The Knights of Morr VS Da Noggin Smashers
A dark and somber morning, the sun had yet to rise. Taking the field and waiting for their opponents. The Knights of Morr sparred without making a sound. I watched as their fans filed in with a similar fashion. The silence was not to last however as the Noggin Smashers orc fans took to the stands in number. Both teams set up and the game went into a slug fest before the ball even landed. M’narg Armbreaker, ogre for the Knights, made his presence known by keeping half the orc’s occupied the entire game. However not to be denied, the few orc’s not trying to kill the ogre took their frustrations out on the linemen of the Knights. #1 Derek Savage suffered a minor case of death at the hands of #13 Rum An-lotz-uv-et. However he did later recover to return to the match. In the end it was the Knights ability to run into the Smashers back field that gave them the win. Unable to repel the assaults the orc’s continued to try and kill and harm to no avail.

Cobra Command VS Da Kanguttz

Lizardmen and orc’s kicking each other’s teeth in, what’s not to love? The Kanguttz tried to show their dominance early on with a touchdown in the first minute of play. However afterwards it was the sauruses that were making their intentions clear. Leaving the ball handling to skinks, Cobra Command quickly gained the advantage with knockouts and casualties’ keeping the Kanguttz hiding in their dugout. Only the Kanguttz troll seemed useful making a brilliant interception. However it was all for not, as they simply couldn’t tie the score up.

The Koffin Kings VS The Brainiac’s

What happens when Ogres and Vampires met? Well let’s just say them staring into each other’s eyes isn’t love at first sight. The King’s had stayed away during the pre-season so no one knew what to expect from them. Showing a uncanny skill during kick offs to blitz, re-organize, and attack. They kept the ogres tied up, but like all bloodthirsty fiends, they needed a drink now and then. The snotlings and the thralls were the real losers of this match. Suffering at the hands of the vampires on both sides. I had to leave early however, as rogue vampires began feasting on the crowd as well. Bunch of savages I say.
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Seancho · Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:46 am Post subject:

Newsletter #3

WOW BLOOD BOWL FANS! Nibs Ironskillet here. So many matches so many press buffets, so without delay here’s the news.

Here are the scores

Scores
The Knights of Morr 3 – 0 the Unimaginative Scourge
The Unimaginative Scourge 1 – 0 Da Kanguttzz
The Unholy 2 – 1 Cobra Command
Bearded Buccaneer’s 3 – 0 Da Noggin Smashers
Bearded Buccaneer’s 2 – 1 Cobra Command
Allegheny Frogs 2 – 0 Da Kanguttzz
The Unholy 2 – 1 Allegheny Frogs
Noggin Smashers 2 – 1 Brainiac’s
The Unholy 2 – 0 Noggin Smashers
Koffin Kings 2 – 1 Cobra Command
Koffin Kings 2 – 0 Noggin Smashers
Koffin Kings 3 – 2 Da Kanguttzz

Dear Nibs

To the short fat fool,
You dare not mention the sacrificial game those worms the Kanguttzz had against the Unholy! BY THE WINDS OF CHAOS I’LL **** *** **

**** **** ***
Hail chaos!

Dear Hail,
I didn’t mention their match because it wasn’t a match. They even made the crowd sign waivers giving up their lives to a dark god of their own choice. Sorry if I didn’t want to damn my soul just yet.

Nibs

Nubz Y Noggin boyz play so muk? Dey wurzer den Kanguttzz, an dat purty bad.
X

Dear X,
The Noggin Smashers are decent enough, however most of the teams in this region smell the blood of defeat on them and will forego playing against a even team to get the easier win. Truth be told, had the Noggin Smashers recovered from a match they’d do a lot better. Those orc’s though, never know when to quit.

Nibs

Highlights
So many matches so little time. Let’s get to what I can.

Koffin Kings VS Da Kanguttzz
Like more Orc matches, there was a lot of hooting and hollering. I could hear them even as I buried my face deep into a pair of sticky buns. Like most matches that the Koffin Kings play in, I was bored to tears. Between sugar induced coma I woke to find one team or the other had scored. During a devouring of pot roast and fried taters I found out the Kanguttzz newest troll had been nixed, only to regenerate back to life. However the goblin he typically spat out had suffered at the hands of their Apothecary, shame that.

The Unholy Vs Noggin Smashers
So what happens when you take a top ranked, well trained, overly mutated, roided up team and stick them against bunch of orc’s who have been beaten to a pulp on a daily basis? That doesn’t need answered. It’s pretty clear. Those poor orc’s didn’t stand a chance, by the 2nd half they resorted to trying to trick the chaos players into killing the weaker orc’s and hopefully not their better players. Sadly watching the orc’s slink away was rather embarrassing, even sadder was the Challenge issued by them for a rematch, At least I think it was a challenge. What does a picture of a clown with a black eye and no teeth mean in orc anyway?

The Knights of Morr VS the Unimaginative Scourge
When I think of ugly match ups, it’s usually two teams out for blood and gore. Somehow whenever a Nurgle team shows up, it’s just ugly on principle. However ugly they are, they do have ability. Sadly they took some time off from practices to nurse some healthy wounds. You know, get them nice and infected. Crusty scabs and fresh puss filled sores, reminds me of the crumb cakes they serve at their stadiu…yuck. This game was all set to be in the Scourge’s favor, they had the strength and funkitude to pull off the win. But it was the Knight’s discipline and skills that allowed them to score fast and often. It was clear by the Scourge were going to try and recruit a few new rotters but for some unexplained reason they failed to do anything more than a slight concussion to a rookie linemen.

Obitulations (celebrations and obituaries)

Scum: Snotling, poet, and damn fine line dancer. Found himself splattered after a run in with an orc. There will be no funeral. Ogres don’t leave leftovers.

From the Commissioner

It’s pretty clear some teams are playing a lot more than others. Usually from being challenged or simply because they happen to be the first warm body not doing anything. However this is also giving them an unfair number of points simply from playing more matches. If you think your one of these teams, try to refrain from playing every single game that comes your way, take some time out, watch a match, hell, write a review so I can post it since I can’t watch every game.

Sean
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Seancho · Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 12:44 am Post subject:

Newsletter #4

Well Blood Bowl Fanatics, another week another round of matches. I’m Nibs Ironskillet, and I’ve decided to add two new reporters to my rag tag news mag. introducing an orc with a educated goblin, Nazdreg and Riteet, and from the shadows of his castle, Lord Vladimir.

Here are the scores

Scores
The Knights of Morr 2 – 0 Koffin Kings
Brainiac’s 2 – 1 Bearded Buccaneer’s
Cobra Command 1 – 0 Allegheny Frogs
The Unholy 3 – 1 Da Noggin Smashers
The Unholy 3 – 2 Cobra Command
Allegheny Frogs 2 – 1 Da Noggin Smashers
Bearded Buccaneer’s 2 – 0 Allegheny Frogs

Highlights
Noggin Smashers vs. Allegheny Frogs
(By Nazdreg and Riteet)
Orcs fightin’ Orcs always make fur gud krumpin, huh huh! With a field that wos more a pool of mud than somefing else, da spectators were rewarded with a lut of trippin an’ slidin’ in da mud. Was a proppa fight, ain’t it, Rikkit? Da Smashas make a gud start by pressing da Froggies in their mid-field, but was too happy smashin’ faces to get da ball. In da end, da Froggy frower (huh huh huh) got it and passed to deir weedy goblin. Da kage was make, and da Froggies moved up Noggin field to score on turn 8. Bent on revenge, da Smasha team worked a perfect set-up and throwed da ball to deir receiver deep in da Froggies field. Da pass looked proppa, but were intercepted by a opposin blitzer, dat runned wif his buddies to score. Eager dan ever to score, da noggin Smashers seized da opportunity when a Froggy black orc throwed himself to da ground instead of da opposing player. Deir efforts was finally rewarded and dey scored.

Cobra Command vs. Alleghany Frogs
(By Nazdreg and Riteet)
Da wuz a perfect weather fur lizard scum, shiny an’ sunny an’ lots’a heat! Da big guys, Kroxigor of deir Cobra, an’ Troll of deir Forggies, had much droolin’ and’ sunbath on da field instead of playin’. Probaly still hung-over on, fungus beer from his contract renewal an’ salary increase, da Froggy star blitzer tripped over while enterin’ da Lizard touchdown area, signallin’ da end of half un’. He must has knocked his brains a bit too hard, cos’ he kept trippin’ during da rest of da game. Lots’a fun to watch, for da spectators at least huh huh. His buddy thought dat dis training must has been da reason fur his success, and imitated him, injuring himself in da process! Da Cobra managed to entangle an’ break another Froggy kage en route towards deir touchdown area, an’ sneaky skink git runned an’ scored on turn 7. Dey were more successful at scorin’ dan foulin’, dose scums. Wif da sun still shiny an’ hot, da final drive on turn 8 was a little krumpin’ from both sides, before da ref whistled da end of da game.

The Knights of Morr vs. The Koffin Kings
(By Lord Vladimir)
Well, hello Vampire and Blood bowl fans. I am the, blah, Lord Vladimir of the first Koffin Kings to analyze the pitiful failure of the... new rendition of the team. Sadly, the new coach (I was far better or course, blah), Celeste let the lesser humans beat the vampires and thralls alike all around the blood bowl pitch. 1 thrall was even killed at the hands of Mr'Nargh Armbreaker. The vampires were able to get the blood of the dead thrall (obviously why they didn't go on a bloodsucking rampage that game), and even I was able to get drink some. Sadly, it was near the ogre that we drank, and that thing's breath took the appetite out of me. On the analysis, blah, of the lesser humans, they made an excellent cage of iron which my team of course could have broken through, but not Celeste's. Pitiful, pitiful. Well, the Lord Vladimir must go drinking now, so until next time, lesser creatures, blah!"

Obitulations (celebrations and obituaries)

Crows-Nest: Troll slayer of the Bearded Buccaneer’s got his final wish, to die at the hands of a fierce creature, an Ogre. The Dwarf was more than just a crazed player, he was also the crews cook, and hopefully they won’t starve to death waiting for a replacement.

Rutgore Da Purty: an Orc male model turned player died after foolishly taking the field against The Unholy, he won’t be missed by his friends.

The Brothers Port-side and Starboard: Made star player status this week both racking over 50 SPP! Good job boys.

Crashbrood-the-Toxic: Saurus with no equal, as he was pasted to an unknown amount of goo by the Unholy
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Seancho · Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 12:46 am Post subject:

Newsletter #5

Salutations Blood Bowl freaks! I’m Nibs Ironskillet and here’s the only news you need.

Here are the scores

Scores
Da Kanguttzz 1 – 0 Knights of Morr (conceded and left the league)
The Unholy 2 – 0 Koffin Kings
Cobra Command 2 – 1 Da Kanguttzz
Noggin Smashers 3 – 2 Bouquet Crypts
The Unholy 3 – 0 Bearded Buccaneer’s
Bearded Buccaneer’s 2 – 1 Da Noggin Smashers
Koffin Kings 2 – 0 Cobra Command

Highlights
The Brainiacs vs Alleghaney Frogs
(By Nazdreg and Riteet)
Da waz a game between greeskin, well of course if you forget da big hulkin’ ogres dat made da Brany hitting powa. Dere was much hittinh, much pounding, a proppa blood Bowl game! Da noise of Froggy armour being broken quickly became a familiar sound for the spectators, I can’t say dat for snotlings ‘cuz dey’re not wearin’ armour. Ogres probably wanted to do again deir famous “frow-a-snot” move, but forgot to when all conditions were gathered. Dey still managed to score after clearin’ da field of Froogy hittin’ powa. I hear docs sayin’ nobody sustained long-term injuries, not even funny!

Knights of Morr vs. Da Kanguttzz
A sad, sad day in sports history. The Knights of Morr cowardly walked away after only 5 short rounds of dealing with the Kanguttzz. After a few cheap shots and some not so cheap, the Knights had decided the league wasn’t a game as much as a feeding trough for the psychotic. Claim all the other teams only want to fight and not deal with actual play. Bunch of ladies if you ask me.

Da Noggin Smashers vs. Bouquet Crypt
In all my years as a reporter, in all my years living, I have never been stuck watching a match this bloody pointless. Between the orc’s dimwitted nature, and the brain-dead functionality of the zombies, this was a match not of wits but of twits. I figured they’d beat each other’s brains in *maybe snack on em as well* but this turned into a horrible display of hit or be hit and oh yeah there’s a ball. Neither team should be allowed back on the field till they’ve been taught to actually play. And the food here was horrible. Other then the zombies, who eats dead rats on sticks raw? At some point after the forth over time an orc managed to trip into the end zone for the game winning point. There’s no highlight here except some of the fans actually stayed. Of course their leg’s had been gnawed off, so who can blame them.

Obitulations (celebrations and obituaries)

Rums-an-lotz-uv-et: One of the Noggin Smashers best players is no longer among the living. Though he is still playing. Just on a necromantic team now.

Wazgrul ‘Eadbasher: Former commander in the Krimzun army, this leader turned player finally had his “Ead Bashed” in for good. He won’t be missed, he never paid his bar tab.

Battlefang The Beastial: Was given the week off after earning 5 casualties in a single match. He was reported last seen at a buffet in the town of Haggish, known for their fresh cooked Goblin chops.

Dear Nibs

Dear Nibs,
We at U.S.U.C. (Union of Sorely Underestimated Coaches) have pooled are money together. To the first team to stop The Unholy’s winning streak, 500,000 gold pieces will be awarded. This being said, we understand the forces of chaos will welcome this as a way to gain more sacrifices’ and wins. This Bounty is not for the meek. Teams like the Noggin Smashers would be wise to stay home and lick their wounds. Dare not tempt fate, it will always win.

Secret Chairmen X
U.S.U.C.

Dear X,
500,000?! I may be inclined to go for it for myself… if I didn’t mind dying a horrible death a thousand times over.
_________________

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